What a Riot!: It's All About You
By Wyatt Riot,Â PQ Monthly
As marginalized people with our various sexualities and/or gender identities (among possible other factors), weâ€™re often taught and shown early on that what we desire/who we are might not be â€œright.â€ Regardless of the impact our upbringings had on us, society as a whole has done a pretty good (read: terrible) job of teaching us about what a healthy sexuality is. Sexuality is a subject that maybe isnâ€™t as taboo as it once was, but it can still pack a pretty hefty punch of shame â€” and confusion. There is a lot of push and pull about what is too slutty, too risky, and even too prudish. Society tries to tell us that there is this area that is â€œjust right,â€ but that area isnâ€™t very clear. In the end, this way of thinking is bullshit and downright toxic. For a moment I want you to just throw all of that garbage away that youâ€™ve heard and repeat after me: â€œIâ€™m fantastic, awesome, beautiful, handsome, gorgeous, hilarious, charming, witty, THE BEST.â€ You deserve everything you want and more. Whatever adjectives make you feel good in describing you â€” YOU ARE THEM. Remind yourself. (I am pointing my finger at myself as I type this from the couch.) Now imagine if we lived in a world where our sexualities didnâ€™t have to be so filled with shame or the sense they have to be hidden. Imagine if we could just be open and honest with our fantasies, questions, or desires. Doesnâ€™t that sound awesome? Now letâ€™s make that fantasy come to life (at least for right now.) I learned pretty early on that the things I thought were hot were not so-called â€œnormal.â€ At age 16, my older and more experienced date taught me that â€œlesson.â€ Thankfully, we didnâ€™t last long and I found myself moving to a pretty sex positive community in San Francisco, where I found that I was, by far, not the only one who had these fantasies. I got exposed to many different types of sexualities and kinks and I learned to embrace my own sexuality and to try out new things. It was scary to be such a shy and wide-eyed young little queer trying to learn the ins and outs of it all, but I allowed myself that vulnerability and have since been learning all sorts of amazing things about myself; itâ€™s a learning process that never ends, which is pretty amazing.
These days I have the honor of helping others at work (SheBopTheShop.com) with their questions on sexualities, kinks, toys, and beyond. Iâ€™m also a co-host and co-coordinator of Dirty Playground, which is a 18-plus queer (all genders) sex and BDSM play party (Facebook: DirtyPlayground PDX). But letâ€™s forget about me; Iâ€™ve got homework for you. I want you to think about all of your sexual desires. Think about the things you tuck away and donâ€™t share with anyone. Shine some light on them. Your eyes can be closed or open, you can explore these desires inside your own head or whisper them to yourself, write them down, post them on the internet, or share them on a stage at Dirty Queer, an amazing x-rated open mic event here in Portland that happens four times a year. (Learn more at dirtyqueer.com.) Do whatever you want with them. Theyâ€™re yours. Remember, there is no such thing as a normal sexuality and no one here is judging you. Youâ€™re allowed to have all of the fantasies and desires you want to have (or not have!). I can promise you this: regardless of what youâ€™re fantasizing about, youâ€™re not the only one. This doesnâ€™t involve anyone else. This is just about you and your desires. It doesnâ€™t matter if your partner â€”or partners â€” dislike your fantasies, or if youâ€™re single and you think that youâ€™ll never find folks who are into â€œxyz.â€ None of this is part of the equation right now. This homework is just for you. Sometimes these fantasies can be awesome jack-off material, or fun things to think about during a tough day (or anytime), and maybe sometimes they can even be a little hard to work through. Thatâ€™s okay, too. The point of it is to look inward, reflect, and learn more about yourself and things that make you tick/hot/whatever word youâ€™d like to use here. This is about you. Wyatt Riot is a white, queer, trans person living, loving, and working hard in Portland, Ore. He can be found at school, doing some type of sex/kink education, or eating delicious foods. Reach him at email@example.com.
Photo By Alyssa Perkins